Day 1 : Overcoming Self Doubt
© Rebecca Fox - The Empath University/Soul Vision Healing 2016. This work is copyright. Apart from any use permitted under the Copyright Act 1968 (written permission), no part may be reproduced by any process, nor may any other exclusive right be exercised without the permission of the author. The author can be contacted via email - firstname.lastname@example.org
At one point or another, we all question whether or not we are doing enough, making enough money, or if we are going to be “successful” enough in whatever occupation we choose. I know this firsthand, as I’ve spent long periods of my younger life in a persistent state of fear and self-doubt (It's amazing just how much our ego can rule our worlds, fear is nothing more than a lie, it's making you believe that you can't do something you haven't even tried, somehow that just doesn't make sense when you look at it rationally).
When I finished High School (college), I worked long, long hours in many jobs in a bid to find my niche, to succeed at something that would make my heart sing and make me feel like I had achieved something in life, found my purpose. In my mind, I thought that was success, even though it wasn’t what I truly wanted for myself.
I held onto dead-end jobs, horribly toxic relationships, and energy draining friendships because I thought that if I left them, I’d be a quitter and i'd let people down.
I doubted myself to the point that I was making my decisions based on what others wanted of me, not what I wanted for myself. I was constantly struggling with confidence and always second-guessing myself.
What I’ve learned from my experiences is that if I don’t nip these self-limiting thoughts in the bud as soon as I become aware of them, that “poor me” mindset can and has become debilitating.
I’ve discovered a few things on my journey that help with self-doubt and boost my confidence that just might help you too:
1. Stop comparing your accomplishments to your friends’ and colleagues’ accomplishments.
I find that I doubt myself the most when I’m comparing what I’m doing with what other people are doing. When I compare my accomplishments to a colleague’s, friend or family member I start self loathing, beating myself up and feeling inadequate.
Your colleague’s /friends/family members accomplishments are not a litmus test to grade your own success for they are on their own unique journey and have CHOSEN to lead the life they lead and have the experiences they have decided to have during this lifetime.
One key thing to remember when you find yourself in this mental pattern is that everyone is on his or her own journey.
I find that I am most successful in my personal and professional life when I am following what works for me and what makes me feel good, even if it is different from what someone I look up to is doing. What's to say your pre-planned journey is not to follow another but to be a change maker and be the first to do it a slightly different way, or at a slightly different time of your life?
2. Forget about what everyone else thinks of you.
When you care deeply about what everyone else is thinking of you, you completely inhibit yourself. You’d rather do nothing, procrastinate even and not get judged than do something and risk criticism from a peer or someone close.
Worrying about what other people think of you will continue to do nothing but hold your gorgeous self back from doing something potentially massive or life changing for yourself.
If you hold wonderful dreams for your future—which you probably do if you've taken the plunge and decided to read this course—then at some point you have to let go of everyone else’s opinion; otherwise, you’ll find yourself in a constant state of procrastination and self-doubt. When you get to the end of your life in gratitude could you honestly say - I did everything I could to work towards living my dreams if you have constantly let what everyone else thinks of you direct your path?
I ask of you....Why do you care what other people think of you? Does what they say add to your happiness everyday? Does it put you in forward motion to achieve your hopes and dreams?
3. Just make a decision and let your heart lead the way.
Getting caught up in a decision is another surefire way to water those little seeds of self-doubt into something greater than they need to be. It’s very easy to get stuck in the backwards/forwards motion of trying to make decisions—questioning if you should go with option A,B or option Z—can enhance self-doubt in your life and have you pinging back and forth for hours/days/months even.
What is the sure fire cure for this? Just make a decision already! Go with your gut hit! Usually your first reaction is going to be your best since it typically comes from a place of intuition rather than from the ego, and before outside opinions get in the way.
Just make a decision, and then fine-tune your choice along the way. Maybe you were supposed to make that gut hit for a reason? Maybe it doesn't go smoothly, but maybe, just maybe the perfect person will come in and make it right. And what's to say that perfect person gifted to you from the universe for making the choice you did doesn't decide to gift you a job, a helping hand, become your mentor/angel investor/fantastic hugger/wonderful friend and the list could go on and on. Make a decision and then let it go....allow fate to work it's magic in whatever form that may be and be okay with that. Have no investment in the outcome and you will find you will never be disappointed, for expectations are what create the feeling of self-doubt/failure and disappointment.
4. Write a letter to YOU- from YOU.
Sometimes a kind word or compliment from someone can totally bring me out of a not so flash day, and I’m sure you’ve experienced a situation where someone made your day.
But what if you’re feeling low, sad, at the bottom of that black hole that's been created and not feeling all that confident, and no one is around to pick you up, hug you and get you going again? Well, there will always be one person left to uplift you, and that’s you and your gorgeous self. A masterful exercise that I’ve come up with is writing myself a hand-written letter.
This negative, doubtful, scared part of ourselves is our shadow side, the ego who wants to keep us down and out, and we all have one. And just as we have a shadow, we also have a light side, the positive, optimistic, happy, bright and productive self.
What I do is actually write a hand-written letter from my light side to my shadow side OR because of the abuse I suffered at such a young age, i often wrote to Little Rebecca - From Big Rebecca- basically saying that everything will be okay, that I've got her back and that she can count on me to protect her, hold her hand and help her through. She will never have to do it alone because i'll be right there and I even list all of the things I am grateful for to help me feel better. (Believe me...It really does work!)
5. Listen, Watch and/or read positive material on a daily basis.
One of my quick go-to ways to boost my confidence in a split second is to listen to some of my favorite self-development books, or whizz to one of my favorite inspirational pages on Facebook, Instagram etc as I know whatever i'm lead to will be the perfect thing i need to read/hear or watch in that moment. I’ll put the audio books on my iPod and listen to them when I’m taking a walk, sitting on the beach or a deck chair in the sun, or lying in bed chill-axing. I find it gives me a nice reminder of my inner potential. It’s an almost instant pick-me up.
6. Write in a gratitude journal.
It’s far too easy to wallow in self pity and focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do have. Giving those feelings energy will only create more situations that we quite by accident manifest in which we come up empty handed.
Instead of focusing on what you are lacking, focus on what you do have and what you have accomplished, it doesn't matter if it's small or large it all counts. This fosters a feeling of gratitude, and when you invest energy into gratitude now, you’ll start to find that you’ll be rewarded in the future (now that's fantastic manifesting).
Feelings of gratitude put you in a positive frame of mind. When you’re feeling positive, you’re feeling good. And when you’re feeling good, good things happen. Not only that-happiness and smiles spread like wildfire, so not only are you in a state of joy you are sharing your joy with others to.
7. Identify your biggest supporters and then nurture those relationships.
No (wo)man is an island unto themselves—meaning you can’t do it all on your own and if you did where would be the fun in sharing your accomplishments? Sometimes all you need is a little support, reassurance, maybe a pom pom or two, and your biggest supporters are the people who do just that for you.
You first need to identify your biggest supporters—the friends, family members, and peers who think you’re on fire, and who have always been there for you. Friends who tell you that you’re awesome, just because.
Then, put your energy into fostering deeper and longer lasting relationships with these people even if only for a season. We all have them, so nurture those relationships and draw strength, wisdom and confidence from them.
8. Go to your affirmations/mantras for support
I have a large set of mantras that I’ve come up with over the years that I basically repeat whenever I doubt myself or whenever I get stuck in that monkey chatter mind (you know when your brain just won't be quiet because there's far to much going on upstairs). The affirmations remind me of how far I’ve come and that I’m doing great things for myself and my family.
They also remind me to slow down, be gentle on myself, and always, always trust and listen to my heart.
One of my favorite mantras I use is “Peace and Love to my universe (My universe being me)” Doubtful feelings can arise when we feel we’re not good enough, and that can stem from feeling like we are not loved or lovable. By repeating this mantra, I remind myself that people in my life do love me, that I love me, that I am good enough, and that I need not doubt myself in that moment for that would be wasted energy and manifesting more of what I don't want into my life.
9. Stop Making Excuses, take the leap.
Self-doubt often makes us rationalize a situation to fit our emotional state. We may be afraid to fail, afraid to look bad, afraid to take on more than we think we can handle. So we become adept at making a lot of excuses for why an opportunity that presents itself isn't a good fit or we don't feel good enough to follow through on it. "The enemy is our chattering brain, which, if we give it so much as a nanosecond, will start producing excuses, alibis, transparent self-justifications, and a million reasons why we can't/shouldn't/won't do what we know we need to do." Think back on opportunities you turned down. What reasons did you give yourself? Where these legitimate reasons or just excuses? Excuses are mental barriers we erect that hold us back (hello the ego who we all know and loathe). Try something different next time your presented with an opportunity....Take the LEAP!!!! You might say what if.....But what if you don't?
At one point or another, we will all find ourselves experiencing some sort of self-doubt in our lives; it’s all part of being human. What I’ve learned as I continue on my own unique journey is that feelings of self-doubt usually arise when we aren’t fully feeling loved (that usually means we've forgotten to love ourselves).
I’ve learned that by surrounding myself with my biggest supporters, by focusing on my own unique goals, and by practicing gratitude as often as I need to, I can experience love more deeply, right to my core, minimizing those feelings of self-doubt and do you know what? I believe that you can too.
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