Day 3: Overcoming Low-Self Esteem
Did you miss Day 2 of the course? CLICK HERE TO READ DAY 2
Overcoming Low-Self Esteem
Self-esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth.
It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self.
Imagine that you’re in a relationship with someone who is ABUSIVE (verbal,physical,emotional etc). You’re down right miserable and totally ground down because he/she thinks that instead of making your dreams for your life come true, you need to settle for second best and just go with what’s practical – because that’s all you’re worth. Or maybe he/she thinks that you should be concentrating all your energy and time on boosting them up instead of focusing on you and your needs and desires.
They tell you in a round about way that you come LAST on your list and you should bend over backwards to meet the needs of everyone else. They also tell you quietly to shut up when you have something to say or cut you off completely because whatever he/she has to say is more important in that moment than anything you may have to say. He/she tells you a story about yourself which inhibits or limits you, putting you down, making you feel small – such as, people don’t like you, you should just stay in the shadows and do work behind the scenes, that's where you really belong as you don't want people to think nasty thoughts about you. He/she is always angry with you that you didn’t do it well enough, in the right time frame – his/her standards are so high, you can never be good enough not to mention they have expectations but may never tell you what they are.
What a jerk, right?!
You feel like horrible when you’re with this person and your friends and family wonder why on earth you let them treat you so badly time and time again.
If you found yourself in a relationship with such a person, would you dump him or her or remove yourself from the toxic situation you were in? In theory, most people would say yes, definitely. And if you saw one of your friends or family members in a situation like that I bet you'd be one of the first to jump in and say something.
But the truth is, I often see many of my clients not to mention myself many times (until I finally learnt my lesson with a massive two by four to the head with a REALLY bad incident and a really BIG wake-up call) who have this kind of abusive relationship with themselves. If they aren’t as hard on themselves as in the example, they certainly have one or a few or several of the tendencies mentioned that make them unhappy some of the time. Many people have at least one of those negative ‘programs’ running in the background which pop up from time to time, undermining their confidence. This often stems from childhood where we first like little sponges soak up our ideals and what we will and won't tolerate to help get our needs met.
My point is: if you wouldn’t tolerate any of the above in a partner, family member or friend (and some people do), why do you tolerate it in yourself? I asked myself this same question and when you look a little deeper it is generally a need you had as a child that has come up to the surface as an adult that you have pre-programmed yourself to believe that you need at all costs.
People who have this kind of relationship with themselves sometimes tell me it’s because they’ve been diagnosed with low self-esteem. Can you relate to this? I'm sure many of you can or know of someone who has been through it at some point in your life.
What's the Heart Chakra got to do with it?
The truth is that low self-esteem is not a tendency you have, or an affliction you have – self-esteem is the cumulative result of how much love, care and acceptance you have given yourself (or failed to give yourself) up until now. ( You see how the inner child or little person in you and what they have taken in can ultimately affect you as an adult.)
If you don’t give enough to yourself or honor yourself, then it creates a deficit, which can hurt deeply. When I’m doing a reading/healing/intensive treatment or working one on one with a client who doesn’t value or accept themselves, this shows up as damage to their heart chakra. (The heart chakra is considered to be the love center of the human energy (Chakra) system, where the energies of love, acceptance of self and others, caring, nurturing and kindness reside, just above the breastbone. This Chakra is the color green or can be pink also).
I always think of the heart as being like a volcano. You’ve got to fill it up yourself with love, care, nurture and kindness TOWARDS YOURSELF before it explodes out to others, if you don't fill up the volcano yourself there is no possible way you can give to others without exhausting yourself or getting into a toxic relationship of the Low Self-Esteem nature. People with low self-esteem are people who are not in the habit of giving love, acceptance and nurturing to themselves.
Maybe at some point in their up bringing they were taught that they were not important; that their well-being and fulfillment does not matter as much as anothers. It can also be as a result of conditions placed on them when they were kids. For example, if you do well at school, you’ll be rewarded. If you don’t, you’ll be punished. Some people have learned those patterns from their childhood and they’re still running in the background, making them miserable at least until they become aware of where their big issues are arising from.
So instead, they may try to give their care, love and acceptance to others while neglecting themselves - Some people like I myself did for a very long time mistaken the giving and caring of others before myself as love and that it is all one sided-ed (sounds strange but 80% of my clients have no idea that they have even been doing it and there fore did not recognize that they thought doing things for others meant love existed in the relationship). Or sometimes they’re so lacking in these energies that they have nothing left to give and they’re slightly resentful, bitter and angry.
These people sometimes feel an emptiness, sadness or something wrong in their heart but cannot locate why they feel that way.
So how to Change Low Self-Esteem
Low self-esteem is the result of an accumulation of habits that don’t serve you – and habits can always be changed, we just have to decide to make a choice to make the change, it's as simple and as hard as that. So, intend to resolve and heal the deficit in your heart chakra on an ongoing basis by filling it with love, gentleness and care.
Here are some ways to take a review of your life as it is now and love yourself more:
1. Are you self-sacrificing for another person?
Are you giving a great deal of your time, heart and energy to someone without getting anything back? Do you feel drained? The heart chakra demands that you be selfish and put yourself first, I've always loved the saying Self-care is Self-love not Self-ish. Just like you need to put your own oxygen mask on before you can help others on a plane, you must fill up your own heart with love and nurture and care for yourself before you can have anything to help or share with others. Self-sacrificing and self-neglect leads to a depleted heart chakra, it's vibrant healthy colors deplete and begin to fade as the love for yourself fades. It creates a deficit over time that you must fill later on in order to heal the heart chakra.
2. The heart chakra also demands that you listen to your own intuition and heart
That you honor yourself as the ultimate expert of your life and trust your inner wisdom always (you know that little voice inside your head or the knowing that you may have to take a certain path, pick a certain time to leave the house, take a job or not to). The heart chakra also asks you to listen to your real desires in life. Real, heart-felt desires are sacred because they are the compass that points you in the direction of your hearts true dreams and desires.
3. To be accepting of yourself, you must tolerate with understanding what you believe to be your own shortfalls and failures.
Perfection does it really exist? isn't it just a perception that we or someone else imposes on us anyway. Who can say what is and what is not perfect? We set our own standards of what we believe to be acceptable or not.
4. The heart chakra asks us to honor the gifts of our soul our inner compass
Even if you don’t know what fulfills your souls calling maybe it's just that this moment is not the right moment in time to know exactly what that is or give you the need to take action on it. Your spirit doesn’t care about your hang –ups regarding your self-expression, or how long it takes for you to believe that you are or feel successful in your life, it just wants to express its own magnificence, and express it now in this moment.
5. A healthy heart chakra also means treating yourself well
For example, by taking time out for self-nurture is truly rewarding for mind, body and spirit. Do you take time off to give to yourself? To do your favourite hobbies/crafts and the activities which restore your soul? Do you value your own time and energy? Watch what you put into your body – is it junk or is it nourishing? Is your food prepared with love and care or is it slap happy and not as balanced as it could be?
There are many more human needs than these, but the underlying principle is this: the more you yourself take care of your own needs on an ongoing basis (including the need for love, acceptance and nurturing the heart of you) the better you feel (and the more you have to give others in the way of love and energy in a balanced, healthy way).
Plus you get a clear, beautiful, vibrant, healthy-looking heart chakra. Now that's a huge plus in my books, how about yours?
Eager to read Day 4 - Click here